If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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