You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
