i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize