i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
