I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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