Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
