Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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