i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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