I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
