Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
