I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to calm my uterus...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
