ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
