I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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