you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
