i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
