He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
