She said her name was "party"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
