Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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