My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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