I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize