Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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