Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drunk is not a location!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
