she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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