Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
