who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wat bout pragnant strippers??
kristin has been a bad kristin
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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