i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
