i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
