So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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