Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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