this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
