I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
