it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
