If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
