this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
