this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
