I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
