The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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