Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
