is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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