jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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