Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I looked at my own cervix.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
