When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
