CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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