Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
