dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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