glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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