I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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