i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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