Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
