never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
