another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
