oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
