you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
