tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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