I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
