Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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