I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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