you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
