Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
