I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
