dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
vagina is talking i cant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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