Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
