just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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