Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
