worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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