So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
