I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
