News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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