I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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