Already got asked if we're dating
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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