A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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