Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize