Apparently you make a good broom.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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