I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
